6 am panic attacks :
it all starts with one thought. the thought of being lonely. i wake up every morning with the thought of sitting alone at lunch, or sitting alone in class. too many thoughts run through my head... am i good enough? am i pretty enough? why don’t people want to talk to me? 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒕𝒔. you’re a loser. you’re ugly. you’re too fat. too skinny. not funny. you cry and cry and cry. no one wants to be your friend, get over yourself. you sit in bed in the morning, dreading school. you want to be excited. excited to see friends, learn new things. but you can’t. there’s nothing to look forward to anymore. no going out to eat. no sleepovers. no movie dates. nothing. no friends = no fun. we cry, it’s natural. but lonely crying is different. it’s like we NEED friends for our happiness. i don’t want to grow up without having high school memories. high school friends. high school love. now you feel like you only go to school to graduate and get a job. you cry. you miss the bus. you stay home. and cry some more. why can’t i just be happy?
HAPPY ONE MONTH OF LOVER! This is a really quick Lover Cover ;) that I filmed to audition for @swiftiesgotalent ! Go audition now ♡ please like, comment, share, tag a friend, @taylorswift or @taylornation and all that jazz :)
I felt like crying but nothing came out. it was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad, when you can't feel any worse. I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then. but I think I have known it pretty often, too often.
في خلوتي مع ذاتي، يطغى أثر الكائن الساخط الذي يسكنني على شخصيتي المسالمة. فأقاوم طوال الوقت فكرة تدمير شيء ما، فكرة الإعلان عن هذا الغضب الذي يمزقني بصمت على هيئة صراخ أو بكاء أو كلام. وأنتهي بلا شيء.. لا شيء دومًا.. ألجأ إلى صمتي وهدوئي المعهودين وكأن شيئًا لم يكن.